When You Find The “HOLE” in Your Holy Matrimony…

Lifes Lessons, Uncategorized

Holy Matrimony….what the hell does this even mean? Like, is it “officially a Holy Marriage”?  Well, I am in constant assessment of my marriage and love life. Why?….. I have always wanted nothing more than to be a wife and mom. I was careful to find the man who adored me (most days). It was one of those things I had to have in order to be fulfilled and happy with the idea of what I had in my mind for my perfect relationship. It took me a while to get it right. I finally did and it has paid off.

Now, my relationship it is not perfect without any disappointments or hurt, pain, fear, etc. It is perfect in my mind because it’s a “working marriage”. This is what I see as two people constantly working toward making each other better and our life better together.  That doesn’t mean our marriage hasn’t had  what I like to refer to as, “relationship pot holes”. I have noticed there are actually “pot holes” in our life every where. What I have observed is that these holes are just like pot holes on an old dirt road. Pot holes are created by weather, seasons, and heavy traffic. If the water lays on the road too long over and over, a pot hole can be formed. Over time this hole can become deeper and wider. When there is more rain and freezing temperatures followed by warming temperatures, the hole grows.

If you care about this road then you will take the time to go back and fill these holes back up. You will fix your road. If you do not fix them then you spend more time swerving to miss the holes and damaging your vehicle then you do driving the straight and narrow. Eventually this road becomes so bumpy and hard to travel that you are absolutely miserable going down this road.

This is just like a relationship. We get busy in life, kids, work, etc. and we leave these holes in places in our marriage. We don’t pay much attention to them until one day we despise passing through or around this hole. We miss what was once there. We must go fix those holes. That may mean taking a little extra time to spend just talking with your spouse, making dinner together, going to bed together, or just making an effort to really ask how your spouse is doing and ask how you can make their life better.

Sometimes these holes get so large that you don’t know if you can repair them easily. It may take a lot of extra work. If this road is a road you enjoy traveling though, you will find a way to fix it. Ultimately, if you love your spouse and you want a good relationship then you will maintain the road consistently to travel a calm and happy path. If you don’t fix the road then one day you will have to find an alternate route to where you are going. It is all on perspective.

Happy Travels!

Acceptance

Daily Prompts, Lifes Lessons

via Daily Prompt: Acceptance

 

Today acceptance for me is the most difficult part about my day.

“Accept the unacceptable” ….is what I constantly tell myself.

Since I was very young, I have had an innate ability to remove toxic people from my life. I have had a very intuitive nature about me. I would be able to look at someone and know if they were good or bad for me. I was always able to steer away from heartache this way….until I wasn’t.moving-doesnt-mean-that-you-forget-about-things-it-just-means-you-have-to-accept-what-happen-and-continue-living-divorce-quote I have now, due to recent events, learned that acceptance is something you have to sometimes work for. Acceptance is sometimes the only thing standing in the way of your happiness. Before I found out my husband cheated on me, I thought he was wonderful. I thought he loved me the way I loved him. I thought he would always be my protector.

He acted in no way like the man I thought he was. I had to accept he was not who I fell in love with. Then I had to accept the fact that my life was forever changed. For me, I felt this instant draw for some type of normal in my life. I began clinging to him. I wanted nothing more than to just have him near. Odd, you would think I should hate him.  Parts of me did. Parts of me understood him and understood people make mistakes. What I had a hard time accepting he was never going to love me at the same caliber I loved him. Sure, he says he is a changed man, I do believe he is sorry and has changed. The realist in me said he couldn’t change over night. Not unless he finally found the same love for me I had for him. Can I really believe this right now though? I wanted him to rescue me and my broken heart. He wasn’t interested in that. He wanted me to move on and forget about his short comings. There was no rescuing me, no endearing motivation, not much of anything really. He just wanted me to accept the fact that he messed up, move on, & go back to normal.

I have learned acceptance has no timeline, rules, boundaries, or options. You either accept the unacceptable or suffer in your own miserable being. Acceptance means a lot of things to a lot of people. It changes your perception and alters your entire self. What you do with your acceptance will make or break you.